Send Your Work (Not)

February 13, 2010 § Leave a comment

A truly funny mock Writer’s Market listing from the literary blog bark:

The Cathode Ray Review

English Department,P.O. Box 10102, Literature University, New York NY 10102-0000.

Email: theliteraturereview@junkmail.com

Contact: Greg Arious, editor. (deceased)

Magazine: 13X2; 4-1180 pages; coated with polyurethane cover paper; 120lb. “The Cathode Ray Review publishes 10,000+ word stories that steer clear of character, and plot, unless they resemble recent movies. We also accept translations, if they resemble recent movies. We don’t enjoy reading flat prose, so right click every couple words and use the synonym function, picking out a word with more letters. We want a writer who’s not afraid to dust off the first 10 chapters of their failed novel and send it off without bothering to edit out the chapter breaks.” Semiannual/septuagenarian. Estab. 1882.
• Stories for The Cathode Ray Review have been included in The Best Armenian Short Stories, and have won the Puelit Surprise.
Needs: literary, environmental/erotica, hybrid forms of recipes, and short short short shorts. Receives 100,000,000 unsolicited mss/month. We process art like poultry. Accepts 6 mss/decade; 0/year. Publishes 6-12 months after author’s death. This month is our theme issue, Writing about writing, especially if you’ve never published anything. Recently published work by Greg Arious, Randolph McQueef, and Raymond Carver’s (Obituary)

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