The Alaskan Pipeline Thrums: Bristol’s Lyric Moments

As you may remember (despite efforts to forget), Brevity is running a Bristol Palin Lyric Essay Contest, with massive cash prizes.  We’ll post the three finalists tomorrow, but for now, here are some of our favorite sentences from the numerous inspirational entries.  We believe that what we have here is a lyric collage essay, created collaboratively.

Or perhaps an Alaskan train wreck.

You decide!

• I came from the snow. Born into it and of it. Daughter of a pit bull and a snowmobile.
• But I just keep on sayin’ baby, baby, baby, oh like baby, baby, baby, no like baby, baby, baby, oh…
• People ask what it’s like to be the child of a famous mother, as if they don’t know that my baby is too young to answer.
• My mother is a boat.  A corked bottle in the ocean.  Its message?  Let me rescue you.
• I just want to say that like, uh, sex. If you knew what you were doing before you did it, you would never do it.
• Ah Bristol. My favorite alcohol. Mom was so smart to pick it for my name over Baileys.
• It was a dark and stormy night.  Levi looked magically delicious in his Wasilla High hockey jersey.
• Will you keep my reflection from overcoming you, like you overcame me, when abstinence meant less to us than the feeling of sharing just one more night amongst oil fields and grizzly bears?
• If cloud computing means what my mother thinks it means, then being over the moon about who I am can scarcely be deemed an exercise in futility.
• Outside my window, the Alaska pipeline thrums like a fetal heartbeat monitor.
• Eighteen with an infant at my breast, standing on a platform before my God and my country and smiling, and my mother behind me smiling, too.
• I’m proof, they say, of my mother’s failure.
• If I braise him some venison shanks, maybe I can win him over.