This Writer is Sponsored by Herself

January 29, 2015 § 84 Comments


the-lovers-tarot-card

So I now look for partners with a job, a car, a driver’s license, and a good sense of humor.

Kelly Sundberg, Brevity‘s managing editor, responds to recent posts here and on Salon:

For almost nine years, I was married to a man who was our family’s primary source of income. During this time, I finished my undergraduate degree, had a baby, completed an MFA, and wrote the first draft of my memoir. You could say—I guess—that my then-husband sponsored me during that time. Still, although he was the primary breadwinner, I didn’t spend my days lounging around sipping mimosas in puddles of sunshine while lazily scrawling my manuscript. Things were still tough, and the day that I walked out on my marriage, I said firmly and clearly to anyone who would listen: I will never be financially dependent on my partner again.

Judging by my Facebook feed, everyone has already read Ann Bauer’s Salon article “Sponsored By My Husband: Why It’s a Problem that Writers Never Talk About Where Their Money Comes From.” I appreciated this article. As a struggling, single mother, I appreciated Bauer’s acknowledgment of her own and other writers’ privilege. I also thought she addressed quite honestly how difficult it is to make a living as a writer in today’s economy, and that writing is real work, and real labor. I think having a partner who appreciates and supports that is invaluable.

In response to her article, a slew of women responded with their own stories of how they were sponsored by their partners (I didn’t see any similar responses from men, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t there). Some of these responses then started to feel unfamiliar to me. It wasn’t Bauer’s article that I struggled with. It was some of the responses that seemed, however inadvertently, to suggest that a writer should actively seek out a partner who can support them while they write.

One such response was by Allison Williams on the Brevity blog in her blog post, “A Word From My Sponsor” where she wrote, “Screening for income is no different than screening for age, height, looks, or doesn’t-post-racist-screeds-on-Facebook. Saying, ‘I’m not interested in dating anyone who can’t, if necessary, support me.’ is no different than saying ‘no kids.’ It’s a status they have some control over, based on choices they made. It’s as arbitrary as liking C-cup brunettes.”

That statement doesn’t resonate with me. I think it’s great if someone is in a loving, healthy relationship and their partner wants to support them while they write. I think it’s great if that is how the chips fall. And, obviously, everyone has the right to determine their own priorities when looking for a relationship, but we don’t necessarily have the ability to make that ideal relationship happen. One divorce later, my cynical side says that I’m better off focusing on prioritizing myself than screening my Match.com profile for men who make 100K plus.

That said, I’ll admit that, I too, have started screening my potential partners. A Tarot Card reader recently told me not to date anyone who didn’t have a job, a car, or a driver’s license. I thought to myself, “Hmm, I think I can do better than that.” So I now look for partners with a job, a car, a driver’s license, and a good sense of humor. My bar is pretty low (one friend recently told me that my bar is rolling on the floor). Who knows? Maybe my friend is right, but I don’t ask how much money potential partners make, and I don’t care. I don’t generally see relationships as transactions. I support myself.

Clearly, Bauer’s and William’s relationships are different than my marriage was. In situations like that, being sponsored by the partner seems like a healthy and rewarding situation, but I know there are a lot of women out there in relationships like mine was: relationships where sponsorship comes with strings, where sponsorship comes with control. In my case, sponsorship came with domestic abuse, and if I’m completely honest, I have to admit that I would have left sooner if I’d felt more financially capable.

Since leaving my marriage, I’ve had to hustle. I’m now a single mom, a PhD student, a teacher, the Managing Editor of Brevity, a resource editor for a website dedicated to single moms, I travel to speaking engagements where I talk about my experience with surviving domestic violence, and that’s just during the school year. In the summer, I live in the Idaho backcountry with no electricity where I work for the US Forest Service and give interpretive talks to wilderness river rafters. I’ve never seen a paycheck that I didn’t want to earn. I’ve got bills to pay and books to write. But I write. I still write. It’s not easy, but I do it, and in the midst of all of that, I’ve had an essay go viral, landed an agent, and watched my acceptance rate at Duotrope spike up to 100%. I don’t have sponsorships; I have jobs. The only person sponsoring me is me, and for now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Except for patronage. Anyone interested in becoming my patron should contact Dinty, and he can forward you my information. (Serious inquiries only).

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§ 84 Responses to This Writer is Sponsored by Herself

  • Allison K Williams says:

    I’m loving hearing all the different perspectives and experiences on this issue. And it’s a terrific discussion for writers to be having – I wonder if anyone’s done research on what percentage of successful writers throughout history, male and female, were those with a separate source of income and what share were those self-supporting?

    I think this also ties into the issue of online becoming a dominant force in journalism, which is reducing the amount of paid freelance work available for writers who are otherwise working on larger projects.

    Something you wrote that resonated for me was this:

    “…relationships where sponsorship comes with strings, where sponsorship comes with control.”

    Only for me, I was the one with the money and the one being controlling. I wasn’t physically abusive, but I definitely injured my ex-husband emotionally while believing that (like my dad) having the money gave me the power. I suspect that’s part why I deliberately sought a relationship with the balance of financial power in the other direction – and why I didn’t stop working until I had enough savings to, if necessary, leave.

    Thanks for the thought-provoking piece!

  • MarinaSofia says:

    Hear, hear!
    In my marriage I’ve had times when I was earning more (before the children) and times when I’ve been without a job (because I was following him around internationally), but did I ever take those moments of ‘sponsorship’ to focus exclusively on my writing? No, because in my case too the sponsorship came with strings attached. Thankfully, not domestic violence, but the more common-garden variety of ‘you do all the admin stuff because you’re at home doing nothing anyway’ or ‘when are you going to get a job?’ or ‘why have you spent so much this week on the supermarket shopping or shoes for the kids’. So I was made to feel guilty for my self-indulgence. And I’ve internalised that lesson well.

    When spousal support is of the type that when I have a poem or story published in a magazine, I am told: ‘Did they pay you anything?’ instead of ‘Well done’, I can tell you that I certainly don’t want to be dependent on anyone financially.

  • LB says:

    Is it exploitation or a partner’s support? We each have to answer that question for ourselves. My mother has often said that she had dreams and it was up to her to make them happen. I try to do the same.

  • eportugal4 says:

    While my husband does not attach strings to his “sponsorship,” it has only been the last two and a half years I’ve not worked outside our home to be a contributing member to our family’s finances. I struggle with giving up that independence and control. I struggle with my own self-worth because of the disparity in my writing income in comparison to the income I enjoyed in my career. It is a hard balance to find. This was an excellent article and thought provoking.

  • Rebecca Schwab Cuthbert says:

    Thank you, Kelly, for writing this. I, too, have a very hard time balancing my responsibilities with finding time to write. Often I can’t, and no writing gets done. The way you have managed and are managing is more than impressive.

  • Ilene Miele says:

    The recent posts by Kelly Sundberg and Allison Williams about how writers negotiate their working and writing lives resonated with me this week. When I think back to my days as a student, I’m amazed by how much I wrote then, even though I was working, raising kids, going to school. Now that I’m teaching it’s difficult to find the time to write, and particularly difficult to get started on something new. It’s not that I’m not writing all the time as part of my work—I write grant proposals, create new courses, compose writing prompts. But while there’s satisfaction in completing those projects, it’s not the creative work that I’d prefer to be doing.
    Back then, I had to make the time—there were assignments to complete for classes and workshop members expecting to read something. Now the assignments I complete are of my own design and there is no community of writers awaiting my next piece.
    It’s easy to come up with reasons for not writing. How interesting even the most mundane projects tend to become when I’m having trouble getting started. And there are so many demands on my time, so many ways to be distracted.
    I have realized that with writing, as with any activity worth doing (exercising, cooking, reading) I have to make the time or it won’t get done. I can’t wait for inspiration or for long stretches of free time—I have steal what minutes I can throughout the week. It may not be ideal to write for only thirty minutes and risk losing those slender threads of ideas that are just developing. But the words add up one at time whether I spend hours at it or minutes.
    I still miss those communities of writers that I had as a student, but sites like this one keep me connected to other writers and inspire me to keep showing up to do the work—even if it’s not every day of the week.

  • […] I do, however, like a response piece by Brevity’s managing editor, Kelly Sundberg, called “This Writer is Sponsored By Herself.” […]

  • […] a great response to Bauer’s article, Brevity magazine managing editor Kelly Sundberg takes issue with the suggestion that women writers should seek out wealthy husbands to support their creative ambitions. Sundberg writes about how she was once in an abusive […]

  • A.L. Mabry says:

    You handled this topic so eloquently and without alienating anyone whom it might effect. In my past relationship, I was the breadwinner, I had no power and wanted desperately to write but was unable to while working full time and caring for three children. It was a miserable, abusive relationship but I stayed (far too long) “for my kids.” Eventually, I ran off, across the country with my kids, my car and $100. In this new state I was not looking for a partner, let alone screening anyone, but I was reaching out and making friends. One friendship blossomed. He was struggling. I was working 12 hours a day. He overcame some demons and now works full time. He acknowledge my “hobby” of writing and has since become the breadwinner and encourages me to stay home and pursue my dreams. This is still a very new feeling for me. I love seeing all the different perspectives and learning how we all come to travel this familiar road.

  • ryderziebarth says:

    I have not read any other comments because I have to write this after much thought about the original post, which I hesitated to comment on until I thought out what I needed to write. My husband holds all the financial cards, and in many ways, this has mad me feel weak, lesser-than, and controlled. And on a regular basis for about 15 years of our marriage I tried to change that by putting up a regular stink. The other 9 years, I stopped. He put me through school twice, Columbia for a teachers college certificate and currently Vermont C. of F.A. for a Masters, has bought me everything I have ever truly wanted, and has been incredibly generous. I have traveled, owned a horse, he front money for an antiques business I co-owned, I drive safe cars, have a beautiful farm where I spend my hours writing. I guess I got older, and wiser and counted my blessings. At 59, its not worth the argument and the hassle of trying to take control of something I don’t need control of. He is a money-man–that’s what he does and he needs control of it to feel comfortable that we will have enough money to live well and pass some on. He is( and I think I am blessed here,) quite supportive of my work. He wishes I played golf, tho, which I am loath to do, and bitches at me for that. Would I seek out a man with money? No. I sought out a man very much like me– one who wanted to earn.

  • I appreciated Bauer’s essay as I do yours.
    I’ve imagined myself field a question from my audience at my imagined book signing, about what advice I would give to a young author: “Marry well,” I’d say. Something I certainly never managed to do.
    For 10 years I supported my daughter, husband w/cocaine habit. Admittedly, I didn’t write much then except for endless pained journals.
    After his death, I hung onto my house and supported my daughter (now am putting her through college) while writing every morning at 5:30 for an hour before going to work.
    Mind you, I wouldn’t say no to a ‘sponsor’ myself – especially one who’ll bring me a glass of wine and take me out to dinner when they got home like Bauer’s fellow – but there will always be excuses not to write – as you say, it’s easy to come up with reasons we don’t – it’s not really that we can’t. No matter what the circumstances, writers have figured out how to put their ass in the chair. And ultimately, this is what it takes.

  • Jan Priddy says:

    Oh, for heaven’s sake. Marry for love. Write for love. Go back to the Salon article, which concerned honesty about privilege. I want to go back to a related concern that published writers increasingly represent a narrow demographic while pretending to struggle like the rest of us.

  • ryderziebarth says:

    And what Jan said.

  • […] managing editor then wrote a response to both pieces in which she generally agreed with the premise of disclosure but worried about the implied advice […]

  • […] managing editor then wrote a response to both pieces in which she generally agreed with the premise of disclosure but worried about the implied advice […]

  • […]  Nye’s entire essay is well worth reading, in tandem with recent essays from Ann Bauer, in Salon, Brevity‘s Social Media Editor Allison Williams, and Brevity‘s Managing Editor Kelly Sundberg. […]

  • It is very difficult to find buyers for the books he writes. I have such a difficulty. I’m from Romania and here books are a luxury that not everyone can afford

  • Jean says:

    It’s very difficult being a writer or journalist these days plus earn some money from it –with the explosion of self-publishers, bloggers, etc.

    My partner didn’t have a car but does have now 2 adult children. We still don’t have a car 24 yrs. later.

  • Snob says:

    Before reading your blog and this specific piece, the thought of who sponsors writers/their spouses, never crossed my mind. Though after reading your post, you are def right, there has to be one or other way to sponsor the writers such as spouse (writers who are married) or parents (unmarried) but barely are there any writers who could come out and say, “I did everything myself with no help.” I really enjoyed reading your aspect of perspective;)

  • elizabethweaver says:

    Thank you for your post and for the link to the Bauer article. Both are great & reassuring.

  • I add two more criteria to a job,car,driver’s license,sense of humor:
    1. Loves you totally, no matter what (even if you don’t earn from your writing)
    2. Writes too as a passion (can understand you so well).

  • 11strikes says:

    Reblogged this on 11strikes.

  • I am proud of you. Stepping out is a big decision and being a woman, the society takes a toll on you pretty soon. Its good to give two hoots to the society and move on. After all you live for yourself.

  • Wow this is incredible. How do you have enough time in a day or a week or even a month to be a single mom and a PhD student and a writer and all the other things you do? I can’t even imagine that. Do you sleep? Seriously, I am so impressed, I wish I had that level of stamina and organization!

  • warbeerocks says:

    Yes but if your sponsor is unattractive, impetent, and old, but has lots of money, is gone most of the time, and gives you plenty of time and space is not jealous, can overlook the fact that you are 50 pounds overweight. And is blind when you act as if your entitled to lounge around in luxury while his money caters to your every need, you sleep with the butler, and sneek off to the casino when you say your at the mall. Why leave a good situation.

  • lilypup says:

    I am dealing with a chronic illness and my husband has supported me through writing and whatever else I have wanted to do. I know I am lucky and it has worked for us. http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/

  • mhrain says:

    Reblogged this on mhrain.

  • Wow. You go girl! If I did half as much as you I would have smoke coming out of my ears.

  • J.T. says:

    It takes will power to leave a marriage. It takes patience to stay in a marriage and endure the mental and physical abuse. But it takes a super human to do both and walk away in one piece. How can anyone say that they are weak after that? We all own our life and what we make of it isn’t to impress others, it’s really really to impress what we see when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Most of the time, that mirror are our children.
    I’ve always been a sponsor to my husband. I was and still am, his sponsor for 22 years. I sponsored his booking fees, attorney fees, bail fees, hobbies fees, luxury fees and til this day..probation fees (some habits can never be broken. Sigh..) I even had to sponsor my attorney to file the divorce papers but I couldn’t because the court lost my case. So now, I’m sponsoring myself to put back funds that he drained. But I can’t blame it on him because I chose to support him.
    I started dating during my separation and found out that the majority of men that my pheromones attracts makes me the bread winner. At least their fico credit scores are higher than mine.
    Needless to say, I used to write for him to read now I write for the whole world to see.

  • johnberk says:

    When the hormones get mixed up into anything, all practical sense has to step aside. If you fall in love, there is a big chance that one day, you will realize that you made a big mistake – especially if he/she likes to drink and gamble. But without love, it is even worse. Being supported or support is difficult, but it also depends on the other’s attitude. Since my wife is a foreigner and still struggling with language, I have to support her. And sometimes, I get a feeling that she is not struggling enough to find a job. But can I really blame her? Maybe the whole situation is overwhelming. You would never know. And then, there are all sorts of other questions that come into place when you have a stable relationship – sex, kids, stress, parents, house, etc. First and foremost, the recipe for me is to admit that I can’t have it all.

  • aishamahmud says:

    am proud of you as woman

  • Aliyu Tukur Mukaddas Gengle says:

    hmmmmmm

  • […] Nye, Ann Bauer, Brevity‘s Social Media Editor Allison Williams, and Brevity‘s Managing Editor Kelly Sundberg on how writers are supported/support […]

  • Aaryan says:

    thank you for this really enjoyed

  • In our house we talk about “value added”. When we met, my wife was already in a career, where I was struggling to find regular work (because I didn’t do the right thing at school, and I wasted opportunity). I did get a decent job after we were married, but it paid less than hers, so when she got pregnant, it was logical for me to step away from 9-5 and look after the kids. Because I was the househusband, I took up writing, and have turned it into a useful side income – not a fortune, not a living wage, and recently I’ve needed to go back to work part time. But the kids are older now, and i have the chance to do that. The point was not that she was supporting me, or I was “only” the childminder – we each brought value to the relationship. Part of my value was that I was around for the children, could take them to school, go to teacher meetings and be there when they were sick. She provided an income to allow us to live well, and gave us a roof over our heads. Different parts of the partnership is all.

  • Lynn Love says:

    What a difficult, and as you say, often ignored subject. I work part time and write part time. So far I’ve earned nothing from my writing, and though I aim to do so one day soon, I’m realistic enough to know that I’m unlikely to be able to support the family on a writer’s wage. My husband does support my writing. I don’t know if that will ever change. He often says, ‘When are you going to write that best seller so I can retire.’ I think he’s only half joking.

  • Adriana says:

    Hello, everybody! I’m writing from Brazil and you should excuse my not-so-good English! I hope you can all understand me, though.
    I’m married and I’m sponsored by him. I had a serious crises of anxiety and depression in 2009, when I was a lawyer a professor in an University. We decided that, as we wanted kids, we should get pregnant as soon as I got better. So we did. I got out of my 2 jobs and made up my mind to be a stay-home mom.
    Well, 2 kids later, I’m no longer a lawyer or a professor. But being home just doing nothing is depressing.
    So, nowadays, I paint and write. I hope I can tale any profit of it anytime. Meanwhile, My husband gain the only money for the house.

  • Reblogged this on innocentsays and commented:
    “I will never be financially dependent on my partner again.” i havenot yet really ever thought about doing it, Thank God! though my facebook feed has no Ann Bauer yet, am pretty sure it will come up soon..
    Thank You..

  • emilymaverick says:

    Reblogged this on Emily Maverick and commented:
    A powerful piece.

  • nichole says:

    Amazing how many things you do and still stay positive! Good for you for balancing a hectic life!

  • Tracey says:

    Wow, good for you! Your words are inspiring.

    Wanting to grow my writing voice, I recently started a blog. It sprang out of a situation wherein my ex-husband had made an offer to support my move to a cabin to write–his idea. So, I moved out to a cabin, started writing, started dreaming about a possible future as a writer, and then received a drunken phone call from him professing his love, and not interested in supporting me as a writer at all, just hoping I’d fall back in love with him. Disturbing to say the least, but I am persevering anyway! Screw him🙂

  • keebslac1234 says:

    I’m mentioning your honesty and wisdom on eyesfeetears.wordpress.com. In an age in which partners are looking to find someone to fulfill himself or herself, insights such as yours are important. It’s very dangerous to consider oneself unfulfilled without someone else. And, there’s the joy of discovering that the partner you are with adds, rather than completes. Keep up the good work.

  • […] age in which partners are looking to find someone to fulfill himself or herself. Insights such as Sponsored by Herself are important. It’s very dangerous to consider oneself unfulfilled without someone else. And, […]

  • Arcadia Star says:

    I also saw that article and thought it was good, I appreciated hearing another writer talk about being supported in such an honest way. I appreciate your take on it, as well as the lack of resonance you felt with some of the comments. (I didn’t read them at the time but I found myself going back to the article so I could see for myself.)

    I have been writing very seriously for about the last year, it was always something I wanted to do and never had the time for it. Me and my partner both work, but we don’t make much, I find the biggest source of writers block is stress and worry. When I am stressed or worried about making end
    s meet I find it hard to get to the place where I can write.

    I write on spiritual topics, (www.arcadiastar.org) which doesn’t flow well when I’m annoyed or interrupted or scrambling for some paying freelance so I can cover our expenses. And though I am not in the market for a new partner, it felt good to know I wasn’t the only one struggling to write full time.

    Thank you for your post!
    Arcadia Star

  • SandySays1 says:

    If you’re a writer, it’s what you do. Supported or not you’re compelled to do it.

  • This is a very good and eye opening post. It reaffirms my beliefs and aspirations. My fiancé and are planning our future–and my writing career plays a big part in our plans. One thing I really want to have is my own part-time income, along with my business ventures. He wants that for me as, because he knows I like my independence. Of course as your post suggests and life will prove a woman should always have something to fall back on if life should throw a curve ball or two.
    Peace & Love

  • sparkyplants says:

    I am a self-sponsored writer too.
    I never really thought about how other writers support themselves, I guess I figured they were clever enough and successful enough to make an adequate income writing.
    Writing to me is therapy. Watching those words show up on the screen is so satisfying and when they come together to elicit an emotion, or trigger a memory or an experience long-forgotten is so exciting and fulfilling.
    I haven’t been writing for long, although it was always in the back of my mind that it was something I wanted to do, but school and working took priority. Then marriage and children became an even bigger priority. My boys are relatively self-sufficient now and I found I have more time. But I still have work, boat-loads of laundry to wash, dinners to cook, herds of dust bunnies in the halls and dust on the baseboards that cannot remain there. And all of this can suck the very life out of me.
    I have discovered the best time to write, is the time everyone is still snuggled in their beds. I get up at 5 in the morning and sit on the patio and write. It is so therapeutic. It is my most favorite time of the day. And when I am not writing, perhaps I am driving, or folding laundry or sautéing onions, that is the time I am thinking about what I am going to write the following morning. Sometimes I have to drop the spatula, or the underwear and dash away to jot a thought down, so I will remember in the morning. Writing is with me always, even when I am not in front of the computer.
    I once read about Madeleine Albright in a leadership class I took while in the military. She would get up at 4 o’clock every morning to accomplish everything she needed to do throughout the day. She also has said women can have it all, but not all at once, life comes in segments. I believe she is self-sponsored as well.

  • Writer Of The Universe says:

    Writing through it all- love. Thank You

  • STUCKeBooks says:

    The one time in life where I might’ve had a sponsor occurred years after I’d been roughing it. In short I wouldn’t know how to rely on someone else’s money even if they were willing to share. Looking back, had I tried it, it would have been disastrous with that individual and I shudder to think the impact it would’ve made on my life. I’m happy having gotten here on my own terms thus far, although it has been a hustle.

    I don’t see any letting up of the hustle whatsoever on its own, and I’m past imagining what a sponsorship in all its glory would be like. Consequently, I’ve decided to drop the “hustle” part, as I did with the word “survive.” Back during a time when I was surviving I realized that survivors often are presented with situations that caused them to practice another bout of surviving. Ugh. I just want to live and know in the back of my mind that if push comes to shove, then I can fall back on hewn survival skills. So I dropped the hustle that I was madly engaged in till kingdom come, and let go of the overtime and second job mess just to keep up and do a little more. Hustling is sorely out of whack with my requirements, way too much work. I’m not afraid of work, nor do I think at this point I might turn my nose up at a little sponsorship.

    Sponsorship is not going to happen, and you can say I”m accepting of that. I let go of the need to keep up because I’m not going to let myself get terribly behind. If I’m writing, then I don’t need extra stuff outside of an inkjet and a new ball point.

  • Sarah Harris says:

    Being a single, working (wanna be) writer, I really appreciate this insight. I also very much appreciate the introduction to BrevityMag.com. As a new follower, I’ll be checking in regularly for support and inspiration!

  • TA Sullivan says:

    I’m the wage earner and writer in my marriage. My spouse is the “starving artist” (though hardly starving since I do make enough to support us and actually save save a bit). Sometimes it’s frustrating, I’d like to have more free /me time, but for now it works.

  • This is an important issue for all creative workers. If your particular type of creative work needs a long incubation period, like writing, you’re not left with many good options for feeding yourself. Of course, there’s always waiting tables and bartending, the career paths of the pre-famous for basically forever. I really like the idea of using crowdsourcing to bring back the patronage system of the Renaissance, with less male privilege attached (maybe?). Well said.

  • Pip Seed says:

    I’ve wanted to write for years – in the same way I’ve wanted to be an artist for years! Neither possible without income. So I did other things, luckily which I enjoyed, to make money. My partner and I worked together, bringing up the kids and sharing most chores. However I was the one who took the responsibility for most of the time, he followed on behind. Now it’s all changed. The kids have left home and we’ve managed to set ourselves up with just enough of what we need and now it is he who goes out to work a couple of days a week. I stay at home and write and still feel a bit like it’s not really allowed because this is for ‘Me’ – yes ‘ME’! And I keep having to remind myself, on a daily basis, that yes it’s O.K. – this is MY life, this breath came into me – that I was born to live it, exactly as I am, and actually this life is very, very short!
    I set myself up really, right from the start. I didn’t want to be financially dependant like my Mum. I vowed that I would be the bread-winner – so something had to give. It was my Art – Well not all of it, fortunately – otherwise I wouldn’t still be in one piece – but compromise seems necessary – that’s O.K. as long as it has balance. As long as we remember that eventually a time must come to truly be who we are and jump right into the passion hand in hand with the guilt and the undeserving little sisters and whisper into their ears daily that – this is good – this is how it should be – soon they’ll get into the swing of it, wish they were you – and then – Boom! In that sudden moment of total longing, the crazy war is won – freedom to express wholly, freedom to create united. Unhindered. The artist lets go!

  • I may not have much experience with writing as I am a nurse first and a writer second, but I understand how difficult it must be to need the time to write and also a source of income. I have been fortunate to involved in two passions of mine, one which provides an income and the other a relief from stress. I wish one day to be able to publish something, but for now nursing has done me some good. I like that this issue brings up many factors in many people’s lives. I hope that somehow we all find a balance and find the perfect partner.

  • cerissadival says:

    I love this. Will you help me to get my work noticed? Your blog is great!

  • Hell yes. Your independence and drive are inspiring.

  • You’re one busy lady. I admire your strength. Really interesting perspective. Marriages are great for sponsoring things to a point, but sometimes you just have to take care of yourself. Seriously loved this article.❤

  • riniminii says:

    Reblogged this on mylittlegiant and commented:
    Yeah!!

  • diggingraves says:

    Reblogged this on Digging Graves and commented:
    This is an interesting topic regarding money and writing. I never thought about it like that. It was always me that had to support myself no matter what I do, and having a man occasionally invading my life didn’t change that. Either they didn’t have the money for such endeavors as sponsoring their loved one to become a writer, or they had money, but I didn’t want them to do a thing like that. It was always a normal thing for me if I needed money, I would go and get a job and earn it myself. Basically people would call it pride, but I call it a normal thinking due to the fact that I am the only one who took care of myself and learned how to do it since I left home at 18. I’m 32 now, and have gained valuable experience so far in that field, at first financing my MA doing the job that I hated but that somehow stays with you because working behind a bar in my country is basically the quickest job that you can find and it pays well, when they decide to pay you. Wild wild West out there. But still, It is an experience that you lear from and you learn about people, management, even politics and sometimes the forbidden things. That encouraged me to start writing again, and I am really happy about that. And I am my own sponsor. Like this article says, I am not looking for a man for his money or sponsorship, I am looking for a man who will be brave enough not to do it, and respect my decisions about it, brave enough to handle me for a longer period of time. I’m being optimistic:) And if he is dark, tall, handsome, intelligent, weird..in one word, special, it would help;)

  • Emma says:

    Thank you for writing this. Really interesting and I am sure it resonates with many.

  • I live in the Philippines, and our culture dictates that a husband should fully support his family, his wife at that, but I never take advantage of that. Though of course, it feels so good to know that I always have my husband’s moral and financial support, I feel so proud of myself when I completed a task all by myself.

  • […] This Writer is Sponsored by Herself (Brevity) […]

  • mimzim says:

    I was a poor, divorced mother of 3 when I first met my current husband. He was unemployed and penniless, and despite all that I fell immediately in love with his personality, over our first phone call, before I ever laid eyes on him. That was eight years ago. He has had a great paying job for the past 3 years, and somehow in the midst of all the heartache over money, a very strong bond was formed. I believe it’s the type of bond that gave me the strength to endure “Till death do us part” for the 2nd time, forever.

  • You will probably delete this response because it’s NOT what you want to hear….You are a User. Nothing more, nothing less – NO JUDGEMENT, just TRUTH. And by your tone, i can tell we both know its TRUE. It’s OK…many people are Users, but just so know know, you fucked him and took advantage, and it’s obvious to every real “self-made woman” who reads this. Good luck establishing something on your own. I hope you do.

  • […] But my hunger had been eclipsed by fatigue. In addition to solo parenting, I work a lot, which I wrote about here. […]

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