Writing is Revelation
July 27, 2016 § 27 Comments

Marcia Krause Bilyk
By Marcia Krause Bilyk
I was a bright, curious, talkative child raised by a mother who couldn’t tolerate the noise and disruption of four young children. Mother withdrew into herself and her housework, leaving us alone to resolve our issues in the backyard or basement playroom. My older sister Cynthia, who knew I was afraid of the dark, would race up the basement stairs, flick off the overhead light and yell, “The wolves are going to get you, the wolves are going to get you.” I’d pound on the locked door and beg to be let out. One fall afternoon as we sat on the curb in front of a pile of burning leaves, Cynthia heated her play golf club in the embers and placed it on my knee, saying, “Let’s play cowboys and Indians.” I still bear the scar.
Dad was a narcissist, prone to exuberant exaggeration and unpredictable outbursts. Mother swore us to secrecy. We weren’t to speak about our family outside of our home. Growing up I watched my every word. I was so anxious, so self-conscious, I could barely speak. Who would want to listen to what I had to say? What if I misspoke? What if I revealed something I shouldn‘t?
Following a panic attack in my late twenties, I saw a therapist for the first time. I couldn’t look him in the eye. For months, I spoke into the mid-distance between my chair and the wall. Speaking the truth about my family felt like a punishable offense. I was filled with guilt and shame. Over time, long-forgotten secrets emerged. Each revelation freed up space for me to be.
Years later, at Drew Theological School, where I studied for a Masters of Divinity, I was introduced to the writings of the feminist theologian Nelle Morton. She spoke of women who were silenced by outside forces or by their own fear, who later reclaimed their power through the telling of their stories. “We empower one another,” she said, “by hearing the other to speech.”
In the small groups that I’ve led as a pastor, I’ve witnessed women come alive as we listened to their stories. I now experience the same phenomenon in writing classes as we read our work aloud. When I sit alone my keyboard, otherwise hidden parts of me make themselves known. I become more whole.
For me, writing is revelation, an act of disclosing what has not been known or seen before. The unknown is called from darkness into light. It’s an act of creation not unlike when God spoke the world into being.
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Marcia Krause Bilyk is a photographer, writer, and ordained minister who lives in rural New Jersey with her husband and three dogs.
Marcia
Thank you for this lovely essay.
D
http://www.brevitymag.com /~/ brevity.wordpress.com/
> Dinty W. Moore posted: ” By Marcia Krause Bilyk I was a bright, curious, > talkative child raised by a mother who couldn’t tolerate the noise and > disruption of four young children. Mother withdrew into herself and her > housework, leaving us alone to resolve our issues in the back” >
Thank you for posting it, Dinty.
Revelation and revolution. Writing is one way we reveal ourselves and also find ourselves. Thank you.
Indeed. Thanks, Jan.
So very true.
Years ago, I told a professor I needed to write. I meant it then as I mean it today. Even if no one reads what I write, I’m compelled to continue.
Yes!
A beautiful and moving glimpse, proving the page is a confidant and friend
Thanks, David!
Thank you for this. I just finished reading Terry Tempest Williams’ When Women Were Birds and have been thinking about what it means to have a voice and to matter—to want to matter. I was raised not to make waves or intrude on others’ awareness. Writing is still an easier way for me to make waves than speaking up.
Yes.
Beautifully written and so true for me as well; writing calms the spirit and makes us feel whole.
Thanks, Maddie.
Not a single wasted sentence–or wasted word, even–in this important piece. Thank you for laying out your particular experience of the silencing so many of us were brought up with. Every time we search for words and put them down, we chip away at this formerly impenetrable barrier to our own souls.
Yes. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
I was also bought up in a dysfunctional family where you NEVER told anyone outside what was going on. I really appreciate this post. God bless you.
And you as well.
Great post.
Thank you.
I take Nelle Morton’s The Journey Is Home off the shelf at least once a week, and “Beloved Image!” is the essay I usually turn to. I keep trying to explain “hearing into speech” to people, because this world we’ve created of so much shouting and so little listening so desperately needs it. Thank you for this piece.
You’re welcome. I’m so lad you know The Journey is Home.
I am surprised at the various ages revelation sinks in. I was 43. (My mother was the narcissist, my father the silent enabler.) I am writing my story because I want my inner child to feel heard. On the page, she has somewhere to live with expression, beauty, and verve.
Thank you for sharing this piece.
I’m so glad you’re hearing and honoring your inner child’s voice!
Writing is revelation and liberation For me….
A piece of paper becomes your most patient friend…. Who never judges what you are going through
Always bringing more clarity
Always bringing more clarity to the problems faced by you and giving solutions promptly.
Beautifully written…great piece of work….
I could easily connect with what you wrote
Really beautiful. Thanks for posting. Writing as revelation? Absolutely yes.
Reblogged this on Memoir Notes.