I’m Writing Like a M*****F***** Again: A Thank You Note to DJ Trump

February 6, 2017 § 26 Comments


IMG_0004.JPGFrom Nina Gaby
Brookfield, Vermont

May I call you DJ? This here is just a little thank you note.

First off, thanks for getting me back in the pool. Last time I was this depressed, DJ, was right after Reagan’s election. I’d just stopped drinking. I was all sorts of bloated and baggy-eyed and wow, if I didn’t just swim my way out of that depression and addiction! I was gorgeous! Not a “10” but I bet you’d have looked twice at me, all artsy and zaftig1. I’m older now and have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and shoulder stuff and can’t really swim, but I’m in the pool again. I strap on one of those belts and jog back and forth, back and forth, just thinking about you.

And who knew pink was my color? I never wear hats. But that march, well, a whole new me.

In a way, DJ, you may also be giving me more job security than I can even handle, though that’s certainly a bit of a mixed blessing. You see, I’m an addictions specialist and psychiatric nurse practitioner, so “good for business” does not necessarily mean good. Of course, if you and your buds decide to dismantle Social Security and Medicare, I’ll need the continued income for my own medical expenses.

Or bail, as the case may be.

Big shout-out dude for signing that anti-immigrant executive order exactly on Holocaust Remembrance Day, though you did somehow forget to mention the Jews. We felt a little left out. Thanks to you, though, I made a special trip to Michael’s Crafts to get a few squares of yellow felt so I could make Jewish Stars (Like sheriff’s badges! You remember!), but then the thought of wearing them prematurely seemed too radical even for me.

Speaking of that, what’s up with Ivanka and her shoulders? When I lived in Israel and went sleeveless through the religious quarter they threw bricks at me. I love that Ivanka got permission to drive home from Inauguration even though it was past nightfall on Erev Shabbat. Maybe one of the things you can do to prove that you really love the Jews is insist no one schedule important events on Saturdays. With a stroke of the pen I bet you can just do that. The thought of it makes me feel pretty darn important. And popular.

And last but not least DJ, let’s not forget social media. I’m no dexterous Twitter genius like you are with those cute little fingers of yours, but I know my way around Facebook and because of you I have so many more friends! I even belong to a book group, the first I’ve ever been invited to, and we are reading a book and it’s about you. Thanks again.

I get a lot more “likes” on my posts than I used to, on all my resistance action plans and silly little memes. How about the clown with the orange hair climbing out of that quaint barn? I stopped on my way to work to snap that. So inspired!

And you know what? I’m writing like a little motherfucker, excuse the language. Because of you I’m getting essays accepted and my fat little fingers just can’t stay off the keyboard.

Well I’ve got postcards to write, and I don’t want to take up any more of your limited reading time. Just wanted to reach out and be that change I want to see in the world.2

In synergy3, NG

__

 1 Zaftig (Yiddish) Means plumply succulent and juicy, womanly. Just the way you like us. Being from NYC I probably didn’t need to define that.

  2 From a quote by M. Gandhi, (1869-1948) Indian pacifist who was assassinated by an extremist who did not like Gandhi’s tolerance of Muslims, among other things.

 3 When everything just seems to come together like magic.

 ___

Nina Gaby is a writer, visual artist, and psychiatric nurse practitioner. She is the editor of Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Women published by She Writes Press in 2015. Most recently her creative nonfiction is appearing in Diagram, Proximity, Mslexia, Entropy Magazine, the new Seal Press anthology, How Does That Make You Feel? Confessions from Both Sides of the Couch, among other collections. Gaby is a runner-up in the Quarter-After-Eight short prose contest, and has work coming out in Rock and Sling and the anthology A Second Blooming. She infrequently blogs at www.ninagaby.com. Her sculptural porcelain is in the National Collection of the Renwick at the Smithsonian, and Arizona State University’s permanent collection. She exhibits her mixed media book art in venues in Vermont where she lives and works in a very old house across from the longest floating bridge east of the Mississippi. Politically active on social media, Gaby worries a great deal about algorithms.

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§ 26 Responses to I’m Writing Like a M*****F***** Again: A Thank You Note to DJ Trump

  • Jan Priddy says:

    Well Nina, you made our morning. I read this aloud to my husband, who says he needs to read it twice because he was laughing so hard. “Do you suppose it just came out of her like that?” I suggested that I thought there was some crafting to achieve what flows like stream of consciousness.

    So. Me too. Not only am I writing, but I am finally paying the sort of attention to the news that my mother always said I should. I mean, I read the news, but now I read news from at least four sources every morning. I subscribe to two newspapers and give to a third. And NPR. NPR is great.

    • I am reading it to my husband too and we are both cussing and laughing.

    • ninagaby says:

      At first I thought you said “I read four sentences every morning” and I thought, yeah that would help me stay saner! Thanks for my being a few of those sentences. But then I read it again. But thanks! And my husband laughed too, and he usually just yes annoyed when I make him read my stuff.

  • Thanks for the post. It is pretty easy to find inspiration for writing in our current times.

  • elvagreen123 says:

    Nina I applaud you and I envy you because I have just published a biography about my father and so I am trying to stay away from political rebuttals so as not to take possible sales from the book. Meanwhile People’s opinions that don’t jibe with the President’s, resistance and downright negative remarks about the new presidential administration are getting so much attention. Books are selling off Amazon shelves and people are getting a lot more Likes to their posts. That is why I envy you. Anywho, keep writing like a mofo, cause I can identify.

    • ninagaby says:

      Would love to know more about your book. I’m doing some daddy vignettes which will eventually make their way into 3D memoir vessels. What’s the title of yours? Mine will be pretty noir.

      • elvagreen123 says:

        Title is: Eddie Green The Rise of an Early 1900s Black American Entertainment Pioneer. It’s about his rise through talent and determination from poverty to success in truly trying times for Blacks. I wrote it as an inspiration to my grandson that he could accomplish his goals as a good man no matter the obstacles, and I wrote it to bring Eddie’s accomplishments into today’s light. He is just a good example of positivity. Thanks for asking. http://www.bearmanormedia.com.

  • Pauline says:

    You made me laugh! And that’s a good thing at a time when I’m struggling not to be too serious or negative in this surreal situation we’re living in. So thank you for that, Nina. Loved this piece.

  • samiller1029 says:

    Great piece. You hit all the right notes of truth and humor.

  • Anna says:

    So glad to see a fellow Vermonter here. So happy to see this delightful and pungent piece. We need all the laughter we can get. Who knows–laughter, like beauty, may just save the world.

  • I read this to my husband too and between cussing and laughter, we loved your piece. I love that trump is bringing all of us together across the planet. I am writing more than ever in my entire 74 years and going to aquacuzing twice a week for my arthritis and insanity. Thanks trump’s for the motivation you gave us to support each other, ACLU, SPLC any other damn thing to resist you and fight to defend our freedoms. I think I will start writing “thank you notes to djt

  • Janet says:

    What great writing! Thanks for a great post that says it all. I can’t stop re-reading it.

  • Wow–you keep on writing, girl–big time! Hugs and I got a big ol’ smile on my face right now. Still ticks me off about HRD and his dismissal. Sheesh…

  • marymtf says:

    Reagen wasn’t perfect. Couldn’t be expected, he belonged to that alien species that call themselves politicians, but he appointed Sandra Day O’Connor as the first female Supreme Court justice when it was a bigger deal than it would be today, and he did sign the Civil Liberties Act of 1988, which compensated victims of the Japanese-American internment during World War two.

    You might worry about Reagen or Trump, but the hysteria the violence and vitriol surrounding the appointment of the 45th President, before during and post inauguration depresses me. Funny how the biggest anti-Semites will haul out the holocaust as an example of some point they are making when it suits them.

    • Jan Priddy says:

      Perhaps, most of us respond with horror to the violence of Donald’s talk during his campaign, his vitriolic attacks on women, people of color, immigrants, POW, a Gold Star family, a handicapped journalist . . . There has been almost no violence in response, almost nothing but outraged fact-checking as this administration lies and lies and lies. Donald has reset the bar for incivility at a level so low that it is hard to fathom. Yes, I was not a fan of Ronald Reagan, but even he did not stoop so low.

      • ninagaby says:

        Many of us are astounded at the degree to which we miss the statesperson-like qualities of the Reagans and the elder Bushs and the politicians of that ilk. We could not have imagined this, although in retrospect how could we have missed it? We are a people who have made famous Honey Boo Boo and a Duck guy.

      • Jan Priddy says:

        “biggest anti-Semites will haul out the holocaust” I also think it is inappropriate to imply that all those who see specific connections between the current administration tactics and disasters of the past are anti-semitic.

  • laurieprim says:

    Love this. With you. ❤

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