Never Call Yourself a Writer, and Other Rules for Writing
April 12, 2017 § 44 Comments
By Shawna Kenney
First thought, best thought; revise, revise, revise. Write first thing in the morning when the mind is alert; write at night and never while sober. Do it alone, in an office with the door closed, surrounded by books; write in coffee shops, surrounded by stimulating characters and conversation. Use traditional quotation marks and capitalization Unless You Are a ‘Genius.’ Journal in longhand; always type fast. Sentences longer than three or four lines are unacceptable and tedious, unless you are William Faulkner, William Beckett, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jamaica Kincaid, Virginia Woolf, John Updike, Charles Dickens, Gabriel García Márquez, David Foster Wallace or one of those other people who can get away with it. Short is good.
Write with an ideal reader in mind; fuck the audience. Never show anyone an early draft; find a workshop for feedback. Write to please everyone; quit workshop and hire an editor. Take classes to improve; don’t go to college—you’ll lose your voice. Don’t send work out until it’s ready; submit early and often—it’ll never be perfect. Find a guru. Trust yourself. Kill your darlings. Study the masters and steal their attributes, but never plagiarize—even from yourself.
Don’t write a memoir until you’re ninety; write a memoir while you’re young and events are still fresh; write many memoirs. Write about what’s eating you; eat while you write, or write on an empty stomach. When writing nonfiction, recreate scenes you don’t fully remember; only use facts and information that is verifiable. Show your family your work; never share what you’ve written with those you’ve written about—you are the ultimate authority on your life.
Get a big desk. Keep a notebook in your pocket. Write for two consecutive hours each day. Sneak writing in on 15-minute breaks. Take long naps. Get up early and write before everyone else is awake; stay up late and write when everyone is in bed. Write on napkins, grocery receipts, scrap paper, on your phone or computer, or only in a Moleskin. Write in pen. Always write in pencil first. Special writing software makes you more organized and gets you published faster. Write to get paid. Never expect money for your writing. Value your skills and charge what you’re worth. People who write for money are hacks. People who make money writing are lucky. Say this writing mantra every day: I am my own mantra. Never call yourself a writer until someone else does. Feel free to call yourself a writer, as long as you are writing. Fiction is thinly-veiled memoir. Memoir is mostly fiction. Poetry is useless. Poets are crazy blessed saints. Deep down, we all want to be poets.
Make an outline, then tear up the map and feel your way through. If you don’t know where you’re going, you can’t get there. All art is a process of discovery. Write what you know. Write to figure out what you don’t know. Write for your dead mother, your sweet pup, your unborn baby, or the ancestors you never knew. Write for yourself. Don’t write unless you can write the right way. Just write.
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Shawna Kenney is the author of I Was a Teenage Dominatrix, editor of the anthology Book Lovers: Sexy Stories from Under the Covers and co-author of the forthcoming Live at the Safari Club: A History of Punk in the Nation’s Capital. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, Playboy, Ms., and Creative Nonfiction, among others.
Yes! Finally someone said it,thank you so much for the clarity and depth indentured with each word you have written, This article summarises the ideals I live by,with utmost precision and the humour inlaid makes it a captivating read.
Reblogged this on Her Headache and commented:
Yeah. All this.
. . . maybe the naps . . . maybe
[…] Source: Never Call Yourself a Writer, and Other Rules for Writing […]
LOVE.
sharing on FB for my writer friends.
Love this! So true!
Maybe you should read my book Booze & Betrayal – never write sober? Sounds a little Hemingway ish to me.
You *did* notice that every bit of advice in this piece is contradicted by another bit of advice? 😉
This made my day. Thank you.
I know less now than when I started. Also more.
♥
Ha! yes.
Hey Shawna:
Your article was paradox in action!
Timely for me, as I read this the day after receiving feedback on a piece I’d shared with a local NZ writing group yesterday: one fellow writer commented that she felt I was ‘educated’ and ‘wellspoken’ and that I used words she didn’t understand (‘unkempt’, ‘synchronicity’ and probably a few more. Was that because nobody else – in the group of 8 – had taken any writing classes before?). To have that reflected back to me, made me think of my dilemma of writing like a Brit and having a Kiwi or US audience as well.
On top of being caught between the literary and non-literary worlds.
I like plain-speak (that’s why I’m here!) but I also like to think that I use words that are appropriate (which might mean using one word instead of several).
Then -> I read your article, which backed up what I’d decided this morning before reading your piece: I’ll write whatever I feel like in whatever way I want and sod it!!
So, in short, a big Thank You for reminding me.
Synchronicity in action.
Thank you for sharing this. “Sod it!” Ha.
Beautiful. Well summarized exploration of everything, stretched, filled in, condensed, manufactured, true, imaginary, glitchy, perfect… wonderfully written writing stuff. Love it. “:) pst…keep on writing, enjoying and sharing this wacky wisdom. We all need it.
Thank you 🙂
My goodness. This is beautiful. I write everyday for a living and sometimes I feel like it’s just a job. Reading this gives a new meaning to my hobby– and to never lose touch of it!
Perfect. Loved it. I wanted to stop reading but found myself smiling, unable to stop. Thought you were talking to me, then talking about a me to others. Thank you.
My mind was swimming, drowning, and then surfaced and gasped for air after reading this advice. Loved it!
My sentiments exactly, I think. Give me ambivalence, or give me something else, but give me something. If you want to.
Reblogged this on CL Pauwels at Large and commented:
All of the above (or below, as it were), especially the last line: “Just write.”
Reblogged this on Don Massenzio's Blog and commented:
Check out this great post by Shawna Kenny on rules for writing via the Brevity blog.
Thank you!
You’re welcome
You said it, Shawna! … I’m glad someone did. These are the voices that swirl in my head all day every day until I’m paralyzed with pen in hand. I think the only advice that’s just right is “just write.”
Yeah, it was spawned by studying and then teaching writing and all of the crazy conflicting information we absorb. Can’t let them paralyze us!
Fun, entertaining, and comical advice. Cheers.
I was searching through the web looking for blogs about writing and found this one. Fun article. Made me smile.
Thanks, Richard Lowe
https://www.thewritingking.com
Reblogged this on Out of Tune and commented:
Having read innumerable writing rules, I first thought the article is just another one about writing. However, I found one truth that I never realized, until now:
“Deep down, we all want to be poets.”
In the literati ladder, the poet occupies one of the highest rungs with his enigmatic way of making music with the pen as her instrument. Thus, which lover of words would not love a poet? Which aspiring penman would not look up to a poet and aspire to be one himself?
But alas! Not all of us can be poets. We can all write but not all of us can make verses sing because that is a gift poets are born with. Because poets are born, not made like the rest of us.
Still, we keep writing verses, hoping that with each poem we take one step up that ladder. A long way to go, yes, but still a little bit closer to that coveted spot because no matter what they say and what we know, deep down, we all want to be poets.
Sometimes, not even genetic endowment can restrain the desires of the heart.
Thank you! 🙂
This might very well be the best writing advice article I’ve ever read! Well done and thank you 😀
Love this – have shared!
[…] Never Call Yourself a Writer […]
Reblogged this on black cloud reflections and commented:
Absolutely loved this post – captures perfectly the whiplash experienced when trying to navigate learning the practice and craft of writing. Just write!
Reblogged on blackcloudreflection.wordpress.com. Such a great post on writing, thank you!
Oh wow. If I wasn’t already swamping my poor blog readers with posts during the A to Z Challenge, I’d reblog this in a minute. Maybe I’ll come back in May when I’ve run out of things to say.
[…] about her origin story as a teenage fanzine founder, punk rock, and her delightful short essay “Never Call Yourself a Writer, and Other Rules for Writing,” a brilliant piece of […]
[…] Never Call Yourself a Writer, and Other Rules for Writing […]
[…] over the summer and their publishing lab made me these beautiful broadsides of my satirical piece, Rules for Writing, which was published on the Brevity blog in […]
Loved your piece. Hated it.
haha… thank you
I love this – so necessary!
[…] https://brevity.wordpress.com/2017/04/12/never-call-youself-a-writer-and-other-rules-for-writing/ […]
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Cheers,
Collete