Classic Jokes for Writers

By Julie Vick

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting bird.
Interrupting bird wh–
Tweet. You really must read this Tweet.

**

What do you get when you cross a writer with a deadline?
A really clean house.

**

What did the writer who was told they have no platform do?
Buy much, much higher shoes.

**

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Writers go.
Writers go who?
No, writers go, “Why did this seem like such a brilliant idea last night?”

**

Where would a writer never want to live?
A writer’s block.

**

A writer walks into a bar. The bartenders says, “Have you written 1000 words today? You told me to not sell you a drink until you hit your word count goal for the day.”
A writer walks out of a bar.

**

What is black and white and red all over?
A writer’s latest draft that ended up in the trash with some V8 juice.

**

Why did the writer cross the road?
She was supposed to be revising an essay, so she crossed the road to run some errands, and go for a quick walk, and maybe buy a new toaster.

**

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you supposed to be finishing your current draft instead of reading jokes for writers?
___

Julie Vick’s writing has appeared in New Yorker’s Daily Shouts, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and The Rumpus. She teaches writing at the University of Colorado Denver.