The Sanctity of the First Read
September 29, 2022 § 22 Comments
By Alyson Shelton
“What are you working on?” Someone new in my life might ask.
“An essay.” I’ll answer.
“About what?”
“Something.”
And that’s that.
I’m actually a decent conversationalist but not when it comes to my writing. Perhaps I’m superstitious, worrying that the heat of the idea will cool with sharing, but I also cherish that time when my idea is nascent and full of promise. And so, I don’t read very early drafts and I don’t ask anyone to read mine. It is a mostly unspoken policy and one I hold dear. The last thing I need is your pained look, which could be related to stomach cramps or the reverberations of some stupid thing you said to a cashier, to register with me as questioning the validity of my concept.
I didn’t like sharing baby name ideas either. I didn’t want to hear about that guy you once knew, the master manipulator, who had the same name as my soon-to-be-born son. Instead, I wanted to dwell in potential.
I’m still like this. Potential keeps me going on the darkest of days.
The promise of eventually sharing a work in progress with my most trusted readers keeps me going. The first read is a thing of great beauty.
And I know they only have one first read to give me. And so, I use it wisely.
I’ve been writing long enough to know when my writing is ready for readers. It’s that beautiful and maddening moment when there’s nothing left to change without feedback. In my eagerness for validation, I have fumbled the hand-off many times.
When I was younger and greener, I craved validation before I put too much time into a draft. I wanted to know I was on the right track. Little did I know that the less time I put into it, the less validation I could expect. It’s harder to love the early idea; it’s muddy and lacks the specificity and punch that rewriting brings.
I wanted to be “good” at writing. I wanted to be “good” at everything. And I wanted the growth to sting less.
After decades of writing and receiving feedback, here is my formula for reduced sting:
1, Write that first draft, even if you have to trick yourself. Just get started. Try not to judge yourself. Try not to get in your way. Try not to hate how the words on the page are not matching the idea in your head.
2. Return to it. Make it better. Show, don’t tell. Lean into the pieces that are uniquely you. Your writing superpowers. Don’t try to be anyone else; they already wrote something, this is yours.
3. Read it out loud. This is a great time to refine voice, yours as the writer and your characters’.
4. If you’re thinking of sharing it, consider the questions you’d ask. Would they be about plot holes? Character arcs? Word choice? Connective tissue? Voice? If you know the answers to your questions, or even have an inkling, you’re not ready to share it. Take your own suggestions. Fix it.
5. Repeat steps 2-4 until you don’t know the answers to your questions. I know something is ready to share when I’m at the crossroads. When I feel with certainty that if I continue to edit my work, there is a decent chance I will make it worse. I will dilute it, editing out the very thing I am trying to capture.
6. Find a trusted reader. Someone who treats you and your work, with care. Someone who never ever starts notes with, “Well, what I would do here is—”
No. Full stop.
Find someone who always, without fail, begins their notes with all the things to love about your work. Someone who sees what you are trying to do and works with you to make it more of that very thing.
I bet you’ve read more than once that trusted readers are gold. They are, which means they might not be easy to find.
Please know that reading with the care you’d like, the kind that stings the least, takes time and energy. It’s best if it’s not done as a “favor.” It’s best if you are acknowledging someone for the service they are rendering. You can pay them in kind, by exchanging work, or other agreed upon services, or of course with money. People do like paying bills with the work they do.
Clear expectations and boundaries make for the best notes. These conversations could feel awkward, especially at first, but wouldn’t you rather it get weird before you show them the work you hold dear to your heart?
Yes, yes, you would.
Also consider how much a cheap or free read might “cost” you emotionally. Is it truly a free read if you walk away feeling deflated, worthless and discouraged?
No.
I’ve received all of the reads there are from the best, where they get it, love it and have ideas for how to make it better, to the absolute soul-crushing worst. I say this without reservation. Receiving an MFA in a truly toxic environment gives me this confidence.
Guard your work. Care for your voice. Believe in yourself and never squander a first read.
__
Alyson Shelton wrote and directed the award-winning feature, Eve of Understanding. She created and wrote the comic, Reburn, which successfully funded the first arc (Issues #1-#4) on Kickstarter. Additionally, her essays have appeared in The New York Times, Ms., Hobart Pulp, Little Old Lady (LOL), Comedy Blog and others. She is currently at work on a memoir in essays. Follow her on Twitter and on Instagram where you can watch and participate in her IG Live series inspired by George Ella Lyon’s poem, Where I’m From.
It’s true, having a smart and thoughtful reader to give feedback is essential.
I recently reconnected with a friend from high school and he’s been my “reader.”
As much as you would think a high school friend wouldn’t be the best choice for feedback, it’s been fantastic. He catches grammatical stuff that I let slip through the cracks, and small bits and pieces of description or concepts that could be clarified, etc. But the more he’s helped, the more I try to get that first draft where it needs to be before having him read it.
After feedback on only a few of my pieces, I feel I’ve really improved and can take a little longer tightening things up before sending it over to him. The whole process has really improved my writing in a short time.
I paid for his beers the other night 😀
That’s wonderful you’ve found a trusted reader! It’s the best!
It’s true, having a smart and thoughtful reader to give feedback is essential.
I recently reconnected with a friend from high school and he’s been my “reader.”
As much as you would think a high school friend wouldn’t be the best choice for feedback, it’s been fantastic. He catches grammatical stuff that I let slip through the cracks, and small bits and pieces of description or concepts that could be clarified, etc. But the more he’s helped, the more I try to get that first draft where it needs to be before having him read it.
After feedback on only a few of my pieces, I feel I’ve really improved and can take a little longer tightening things up before sending it over to him. The whole process has really improved my writing in a short time.
I paid for his beers the other night 😀
Wonderful essay. Will keep it on hand when contemplating sharing essays I’ve written. Thanks!
Linda Murphy Marshall, Ph.D.
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murphmarsh@aol.com murphmarsh@aol.com
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Happy you found it helpful!
Thanks for sharing, Alyson. I like your point about waiting to find a reader until you have only questions you can’t answer yourself.
You’re welcome, Marisa. Thanks for reading!
Great advice in here Alyson. I almost always give my work to my husband to read too early. I’m too eager and excited. I like your suggestions about the questions. Thank you.
Thank you, Morgan. I totally get that. It’s fun to have the one you love, love your work.
“Someone who sees what you are trying to do and works with you to make it more of that very thing.” YES!!!! LOVE this! For me, this is the best kind of feedback: when the feedback giver is able to get out of their own way and they highlight the craft in your writing. I have a sense that this involves an expertise in “observing,” rather than judging. Thank you for writing this! Love this too: “Guard your work. Care for your voice. Believe in yourself and never squander a first read.” 💖🙏🕊
Thank you so much. For me, those are definitely the best reads and the ones with the notes I want to incorporate into my work.
This is such a great reminder and clear overview of the temptations and dangers of pursuing response before we are ready to receive it, and of finding the right person at the right time.
“[C]onsider how much a cheap or free read might ‘cost’ you emotionally” works both ways. I have worked with writers who only wanted me to love their work and were not actually open to any genuine feedback on any level. I am slow to recognize this. When I read a “published” work that still contained typos I’m certain I noted, it was a moment for me to face that.
Yes. So true. I’ve encountered this too and it’s difficult territory to navigate.
Choosing the right reader for our work at the right time for us to benefit from their response is so important. Also, I try hard to remember that critique is about my work, not about me: it’s professional, not personal.
Yes, always important to remember. Just because someone has thoughts on your work doesn’t mean they don’t respect you or your work. Good feedback is, for me, one of the most valuable forms of respect. They care enough to dig in.
Alyson, I love the idea of not squandering a first read. I’ve done (we probably all have) and you are so right. Trust yourself first and then find people who can be part of that circle. Thanks for this.
Thank you, Lisa! I definitely have, so many times and now I realize how much time I spent on notes and ideas that had nothing to do with the story I was intent on telling. You live, you learn, but if I can save people some of that time, that would be wonderful!
Your essay is very insightful. It backs up my process because I always make something the very best that I believe it can be before I give it to a reader, and I chose my readers carefully. I want the kind of feedback that talks about my piece of writing on a deeper level. I’m lucky to have two or three readers that can do that for me. I have one reader who is very good at letting me know if my ending is lacking (one of my weaknesses). She’s not a writer, but she’s a good reader. And I, too, repay my readers with small gifts.
Isn’t it wonderful to give a gift in thanks? I recently took my most trusted reader out to dinner and we had such a great night!
love this, Alyson — and could not agree more on what readers to say NO. FULL STOP to and which ones to treasure.
Thank you! I’m happy to hear it resonated with you Eileen. It’s such a game changer knowing which readers aren’t for me.
I wrote nearly without a break for a month and then I came to a halt. Not because I was feeling a writing block but simply because I wondered if I should have someone read it? If what I wrote was unnecessarily elaborate. I wondered if some of the facts might have been misplaced and if I killed my story before it reached its midpoint. I didn’t want anyone reading it just yet though, not when I was still rearranging my thoughts in black and white.
After reading your words, I answered more than half my questions, made a coffee and wrote to you during the cigarette.
Sometimes, I find it amazing, how one lands on words of a stranger that fit just right.
Thanks for writing it. I have saved this post, I will remember to read it from time to time when I feel a pressing desire to recalculate and adjust course.