Eat, Pray, Be a Narcissist
April 17, 2010 § 13 Comments
Novelist Koa Beck makes a good case and some interesting observations as she takes out after what she calls “narcissistic narration” and “feministy memoir” in a recent Huffington Post blog:
Gilbert’s Eat, Pray Love .. reads like one long Seventeen magazine spread, the appropriate title perhaps being, “How I Traveled for an Entire Year and Still Managed to Only Obsess About Myself and My Problems.” Gilbert’s narration is charming for about twenty pages, but after seventy, a bit pitiful. How a thirty-plus-year-old woman manages to be so well-traveled and yet also so self-absorbed is surprising, but even while raising funds for a homeless Balinese woman and her child, she manages to pull it off. Gilbert’s undisciplined writing style, coupled with her self-serving search for God, trivializes divorce, depression, and the aforementioned issues, reducing them to fodder for a kitschy beach read marketed as a reflective memoir about women’s issues.
… I find it troubling that so many American women identify with a narration that is so preoccupied with self. By adopting a folksy, chatty girlfriend-type voice, Gilbert’s nonfiction devalues her subject matter and presents a feminine stereotype much like that of Shopoholics, The Devil Wears Prada, and Sex and the City: the neurotic woman with a hip career who prides herself on being modern.
Eat, Pray, Love is obviously not revered as a work of great literary merit, but to consider that so many American women are consuming these types of narcissistic narratives and identifying with them is perhaps even more alarming. Weakly-written nonfiction books such as Gilbert’s do very little when it comes to addressing the societal problems many women face, and will continue to face in their marriages and in their homes.
The Brevity Blog 
Beck’s review struck me as envious. Not at all incorrect, but envious nonetheless.
It might have been a good case if she hadn’t resorted to the cheap shot. Instead, of sticking to the high road, as she might have done, she resorts to the time-honoured tactic of intellectual dishonesty wearing the mask of cleverness.
“[R]eads like one long Seventeen magazine spread,” she writes. Seventeen. No, wrong magazine. It would have fit in Oprah magazine, actually.
“The neurotic female protagonist perpetually on the hunt for a man …..has always been safely contained by the chick-lit genre, a shelf that can be ignored in a bookstore and clicked past in Amazon.” Here Koa has beaches herself on some island of literary superiority along with, I don’t know, maybe three other readers? She isn’t attacking Gilbert here, so much as she is attacking Gilbert’s audience. “A bit pitiful.” “Obviously not revered as a work of great literary merit. And so on. A string of insults, nothing more.
A brave offensive. Self-annihilating, perhaps.
Furthermore, she’s guilty of the same unsupported, sweeping generalization that she accuses Gilbert of: “A second marriage post-horrendous divorce is not only a trend but is quickly becoming the norm for many Americans.” Really? “Quickly becoming the norm.” Did you accept statement that at face value? See? You’ve been sucked in
Personally, I think she missed the point. This isn’t narcissism. This is good old-fashioned female bonding accomplished via print rather than over coffee. She might have convinced me otherwise if she hadn’t sounded like a smart-ass fresh out of school who knows better.
She might have convinced me – a forty-year old with two graduate degrees – if she’d offered criticism that was thoughtful and reasoned, measured and meaningful. Instead, it sounds like whining. A cleverly written example of that great American phenomenon of tearing down your successes. using the stars of your popular culture for target practice. And instead of firing a little pistol from a distance, a weapon requiring skill and training to handle, Koa uses a bazooka that can’t miss: intellectual sarcasm. The National Enquirer accomplishes the same end with only slightly different means.
Where does this kind of thinking go? You end up with a nation of grumpy, self-centered brats shooting at each other with words and guns. Honestly, I think this phenomenon will be the undoing of the United States. Just a fun bit of extrapolation, there, but hey, I could make the case.
Ms. Beck says the book is charming for 20 pages. I think she was being generous. For women who haven’t had it as easy in life, those that don’t have the perfect job, house, husband, cannot relate to a woman whining about how it’s not enough.
Reading Gilbert’s complaints reminds me of the skinny girl griping about her one pound gain to the fat girl. What the skinny girl really needs is to take a bite out of humble pie, walk in the shoes of some real problems, then come back and tell us about it.
What amazes me is the need to lambaste the book years after it was published. We get it. Some people find the book narcissistic. Some people love it. She’s published a whole other books since this one. If she’s moved on, why can’t critics?
I loved the book, personally. I’m aware that puts me in the minority, but that’s never been a problem for me before. Still, how about spending time on something published this decade?
I guess I’ll have to read it to see if I agree or disagree. But it reminds me somewhat of How I feel when I walk into the Chiropractor’s office, and all I see are articles on the wall which bash Traditional Western Medicine. Kinda feels like undermining the competition. of course I have no idea what sort of writing the author of this blogpost writes. I guess I’ll have to find out.
As my Father in Law always says, To each his own.
Thank you Gloria.
And Lisa – I couldn’t agree more. This wasn’t criticism. It was a lashing out at a book that’s been out there for years now. This trend of anger and antipathy just for fun is going to be the ruin of us all.
Sure, it’s self-absorbed, and virtually no other single woman would be free to do what Gilbert did for a year. But reviews and other clues tell you this in advance, so why complain that’s it’s not something else? That’s what this book is marketed as, and Gilbert does a very good job with it.
My only complaint was that each of the three sections was a little too perfect for a work of non-fiction. That’s not life as we know it, Capt. Kirk.
Read the original article. Beck’s critique arises from the more recent publication of Committed, Gilbert’s follow-up book. Huffington Post also has a link to the trailer for the forthcoming Julia Roberts blockbuster and “incredible true story”, Eat Pray Love, complete with uplift from a Florence and the Machine soundtrack and an invitation for us to share our own journeys via the movie’s own Twitter stream. This cultural phenomenon warrants critique, not least given what many of us might see as the wrong-headed narcissism of many of its assumptions.
Eat Pray Love has its moments (its voice is disarming), but ultimately Gilbert came over to me as a 21-century (and prettier) version of the ugly American. I grew uncomfortable with how, on the basis of relatively brief stays, she objectifies foreign cultures, appropriating them for her ego trip before moving on to the next place. Her observations began to feel shallow, and sometimes misplaced, those of someone taking an extended vacation, with a return ticket out, as well as a delivery date on a book deal. I’d have greater respect for the experiences of someone who spent longer in a place, putting down roots and developing a more authentic connection with the world around her.
Instead, we get a preoccupation with the world within. Which is fine, but this sort of personal development surely has a longer arc, needs to go deeper? I too find it rather troubling that readers apparently searching for truth find meaning and relevance in the consumer quest of this spiritual tourist.
The (fictional) parody Drink, Play, F@#k offers a more authentic account of the American abroad, for me. And for movies I’ll stick with Mamma Mia, which doesn’t pretend to be anything more than fun and fluff (and it comes with Abba songs too!).
I did not love this book, but I thought it was okay. I enjoyed the parts “eat” and “pray” and felt very unsatisfied with the “love” part. I have been in the bathroom late at night silently screaming on the bathroom floor. I loved the discussion about soul mates Gilbert discussed in the “pray” part because I felt we do overuse the words ” soul mates” as well as “love” to the point in which they lose meaning.
I have no idea what Gilbert’s intentions were in writing the book. I am sure she wasn’t looking to be the next Lucy Grealy. However, I do think she wrote the book to help herself better understand that period of her life. She puts herself out there for others who feel the same way to identify with her or not. I always hear the word narcissistic and think of negative connotations. It is almost as if the person writing it doesn’t know how self-absorbed he or she is being in the piece.
Maybe I read the book wrong, but to me, it felt like it was an internal struggle Gilbert shared with the world. She was coming to terms with her new self in this world, just as her readers have to come to terms with who they are when their crossroad comes along.
The book is one person’s journey and the reader has to make his or her own journey.
Thank you. Almost every woman I know happily devoured Eat,Pray, Love with zeal and were shocked and almost insulted when I described the few pages I forced myself to read as narcisstic, snooty, and elitist. Had it not been given to me as a Christmas present I wouldn’t have made the effort. I still cannot believe the acclaim it has received and I’m dissappointed and suprised that this type of book attracts so many readers. I certainly appreciate the memoir, but isn’t there a better way to tell a story that can enrich the lives of others without sounding like a braggart? There are so many stories out there…
Thanks for saying it best. I did not care for the book. Hearing others go on about loving it made me wonder if I’d missed something . . . For about 5 minutes. Then I blinked, and my mind righted itself. I seek enlightenment that doesn’t require travel to another country.
Now I remember the book is Gilbert’s memoir. She lived “it” her way, as we live ours. Maybe the issues some of us have with the book, speaks volumes that deserve to be examined and published as well. We read memoirs for reasons. Right? I believe we seek connection and validation that we are like others.
Gilbert’s book disappointed, as did Poitier’s, but I learned from both. Also learned from your comments.
Am typing at disadvantage, so forgive if not coming across well. Dominant arm in sling. Slow writing with left.
This review is not envious, it’s just honest. Something the new school can’t face. I was thinking the exact same thing while watching this souless trailer. I am a married male, late 30s, well traveled. I do not envy this character’s life. The only thing I could think of is how narcissistic of a culture we’ve become. The backlash of that self-entitlement attitude is already starting. More to come; no matter how many self-absorbed vapid pop songs you load up in your iPod…. things are changing. So buy your designer purses while deflation is still keeping the price down… after that… well, appreciate what you still have.. while it’s still here.
Were we supposed to be envious of her? That’s not how I read it. I felt sympathy for her.