The Writer’s Index

By Julie Vick

Julie Vick

Number of times you checked your Submittable page today: 25
Number of changes in status to your Submittable page today: 0
Days since there was any change to your Submittable page: 37
Number of visitors to your writing portfolio website this week: 2
Percentage chance that both visitors were searching for someone else who has your same name: 50%
Percentage chance that one of those visitors was your mom: 70%
Number of tabs opened on your computer today: 124
Average time spent on each tab opened: 23 seconds
Number of tabs you have open right now: 13
Percentage chance that you opened another tab midway through reading this list: 50%
Number of times one of your essays was rejected before it was accepted: 29
Number of times that essay was revised: 17
Portion of days last week you thought the piece you are working on was pretty good: 1/7
Portion of days you thought the piece you were working on was pretty bad: 6/7
Estimated amount of money spent on coffee so far this year: $391.20
Number of times per day you convince yourself that watching the latest award-winning television series will help you better understand narrative arc: 1-2
Number of shares on your most recently published essay: 7
Number of shares on a collection of images of cats dressed in Elizabethan costumes: 2,978,572
Times you shared that Elizabethan cat costume list: 2
Percentage chance that cats dislike wearing costumes: 99%
Words you read today: 5,762
Words you wrote today: 123
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Julie Vick’s work has appeared in publications including McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Washington Post, Salon, and Brain, Child. She currently teaches writing at the University of Colorado Denver.